HOW DO WE LET OURSELVES FEEL EVERYTHING WE NEED TO FEEL AND COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE BETTER AND STRONGER FOR HAVING GONE THROUGH IT?
Loss is a normal part of the human/animal/plant
condition.
The past eighteen months have been a time of significant loss and grief for many, if not all of us. We have endured profound loss not just through illness and death but also through dreams, plans, goals, relationships, ceremonies, life passages, and rituals. How many people do you know who’ve had to cancel their weddings, graduation ceremonies, job opportunities, and other significant life passage moments? The saying, “Man plans and God laughs,” has never been more relevant.
All of this loss and grief has been a real test of one’s coping skills. In my years as a psychotherapist and, more importantly, as a human being, I have found some of the best ways to cope with grief and loss are through finding a source of what gives you strength.
For those who have lost a spouse or a parent and have children, strength can be found through needing to stay strong for your children. This is especially true when it comes to separation and divorce, which is currently occurring at a higher rate than years past, and is also a profound loss and source of grief.
What actions can we take to help us through?
Let yourself feel the loss - Sweeping away feelings of grief doesn’t quicken the process. It only prolongs the mourning period.
Physical exercise - I find physical exercise is very cathartic. Not only does exercise release endorphins but there is nothing like a good peloton sweat or crossfit class to feel cleansed, refreshed and rejuvenated or if need be, cry away our anger and sadness.
Nature - Hiking, walking on the beach etc remind us that life goes on. That we are connected to something bigger than us. A lot of healing can be facilitated that way.
Mindfulness, meditation, breathwork - Connects us to our higher selves and also has been proven to help reduce stress and addiction.
Connection - Connecting with people who bring you comfort is a wonderful form of self-care. Don’t underestimate the power of connection, of close friends and family. Love is a powerful healer and can remind you of your internal strength and resilience.
“Happy Place” - Where you go to find what brings you peace, calm, solace and soothes your soul. This place can be different for everyone, real or imagined.
Actions that don't work:
Alcohol
Drugs
Excessive Isolation
Avoidance
These can be much more counterproductive to the healing process.
One needs to honor their loss and pain and give it the space to be held and felt. No matter
what, one needs to recognize that they are never alone. Everyone experiences some grief
and loss at different times in their life. By sharing your loss, letting the tears flow if they
can, reaching out to others, and at the same time looking inward and recognizing your
inner strength, confidence, and power that you can and will get through this time.
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